MY LIST

All summer I have had a long mental list of things I wanted to accomplish before I went back to work. Well, August is just around the corner, and my classroom is calling my name; I can feel it tugging me in to set it up. As much as I want to put off the beginning of another school year, I know it’s inevitable.

It is this unaccomplished list that’s got me in a tizzy. Sometimes I get so mad at myself for my obvious, inherent and abundant talent for procrastination.

There are some of the things on the list that I knew might not get done, mostly because they required my son to participate. He’s sixteen - need I say more? That’s okay, it’s his education. Ultimately, he is the one who is going to have to live with the results.

However, most of the problems lie directly with me and no one else. I am, if anything, a master of self-talk; I can lay in bed before I get up and plan the perfect day: Start with breakfast and a little Facebook time, followed by work in the garage, a nice lunch with hubby, craft time, and a light dinner, 30 min. evening walk and maybe some mindless TV before bed. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Yea!  If it happened that way. What really happens is: breakfast and Facebook/ computer stuff till around 11:30, some kind of lunch thing, I usually can’t get back on the computer because the teenager has it by then, so I go for the DVR and take a nap, wake up, watch a little more, get frustrated, confiscate computer till dinner, back to mindless TV, and finish up the evening with one more round of Facebook. 

Wow, it really looks bad when I see it written out like that. I’ve gotta fix this!                       

Green Coffee

I caught a clip of the Dr. Oz Show while I was surfing around the web yesterday, and was stunned to find that there is a new miracle pill to save all of us who struggle with our weight. Now all we have to do is take this pill every day and the weight will just go away. No exercise required. No need to change our diet. All we need to do is take these pills and watch the pounds disappear...

Seriously people - haven’t we been down this road before? There are no miracle pills; it is not possible to have a permanent and significant weight loss without exercise and reduction in calorie intake. It really is that simple and, unfortunately, that difficult. I wish that this pill were around - but it isn’t.

When I was a kid, I would watch those science fiction shows on TV, imagining that they had cured “fat” by then. I figured that if they could handle warp speed and beam people up, they could do away with excess body fat. At least for women, that is - you still had those occasional Harry Mudd characters that would pop up every now and then. I guess that was to keep it real.

Maybe there will be a sci-fi future for us someday. Scientists are making breakthroughs every day. I expect that they will find many ways to help us in the future. As for now... I’m going to continue doing what I know I need to do. Making the choices I need to make. Living the life I want to live. Does the green coffee bean help you lose weight? I don’t know. It would be cool if it did.  For now, that is a question yet to be answered. What I do know is ... there are no magic miracle pills.

GET OUT!

Last time, I was talking about loss: the loss of a friend, the loss of a fingernail, the loss of a pound. At the time, it struck me as funny - the fact that you don’t really lose something you don’t go looking for, do you? I mean, when I lose my fingernail, I don’t go looking for it, so if I find it, I can glue it back on. That hardly ever works.

I suppose there are things we lose that we do look for, like money, car keys, the kids...stuff like that. But as for most of that other stuff, if it’s gone...there is probably a reason.    

But...the real issue here is weight, isn’t it?

People say I lost 2 lbs. this week or I lost 5lbs. on that diet - all that implies is the pounds aren’t really gone, they have just relocated and that scares me. That is like that weird episode of Doctor Who when the Adipose babies where made entirely of human body fat, gross. Although it was a very quick weight loss....if you survived. (Sorry, I digressed again.)

Anyway, we say we lost it as if we had it in our hand with our car keys, put them down somewhere, and now we just can’t remember where we put it. If it were that simple, I would have “lost” a lot of things a long time ago. Also, every time I’ve lost my keys somebody found them. And with my luck, my fat would be too dumb to run away. No - it would stay right there so I could find it and take it home. It’s not lost! It did not wander away from the rest of us when no one was watching. And it did not take a wrong turn at Albuquerque! It is not lost. It is gone.

I don’t mean to sound exasperated, but I don’t want to lose pounds - I want them to get lost. I want them to drop off the face of the earth, to succumb to the forces of nature, kick the bucket, cease to exist, shrivel up and die.  It’s simple, really. I want my fat to leave me and wither away, dissolve, disintegrate, implode. However you look at it, I don’t want there to be any chance of it rearing its ugly little head again around me, or anyone else for that matter. I think that’s clear enough, don’t you? Now the trick is getting my fat cells to somehow understand.

Where’s Doctor Who when you need him?

Levels of Loss

I lost six pounds this week. Well, really it wasn’t just this week - I guess you would say it was over the past three weeks. That’s what - about two pounds a week? Not bad. I’ll take that. If I can keep that up (for a long time) I’ll be happy. The trick is figuring out what I did over the last three weeks that caused the loss and repeating it.  I’m guessing it’s not the 1000 calorie lunch at Five Guys Burgers. (Darn!) Still, six pounds is definitely a happy loss.

I lost a fingernail this week. Don’t worry - it didn’t hurt that much. I wear acrylic nails. The woman who does my nails is a brilliant and talented lady. She has made my hands into works of art for the past six or seven years. She knows me well enough to know that I’m a putz who will, without a doubt, break a nail at least once a month and not even realize it until someone points it out to me. Which is just what happened. It was a small and unexpected loss.

Most importantly, I lost a friend this week. It sounds kinda funny when you say it like that, doesn’t it?  Like, “Where’s Anita? She was here a minute ago . . . it was your turn to watch her.”  Not that, but in the, “She beat me to heaven.” way. I’ll miss her. She was a cool lady, with lots of spunk. She always smiled, always hugged, and seemed to enjoy every day as it came. She was the kind of person that made you feel good just being around. She will be missed. A loss that is both happy and sad.

I guess that as I go through life, I will have many more “Losses” to deal with - and that’s okay. It is what it is. I need to remember my friend Anita, and smile at the problem until it gets confused and leaves you alone because it thinks you’re crazy.  :-)

I’m trying. Really I am.

I have never been a fan of breakfast food. As a kid I would try to convince my mother that a hamburger contained the same nutritional value found in a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice. I don’t think she bought it. Mom was a pretty  smart cookie.  Over the years I've struggled with the idea of the morning meal, but the thought of food so early is just difficult. I have found a couple of yogurt flavors I like, but seriously, folks....do they really expect me to eat this every day for the rest of my life? I might just go mad! I mean, come on, man! There has to be more to life than yogurt!..
Okay... Sorry... I’m better now. I know, I know, There are other things. I just need to look for them, and I have found a few.  When I feel like making a mess, I make a bowl of grits with a sunny side-up egg. Now that’s good eatin' for sure and its only about 250 calories, so that’s not bad either, but....you gotta like grits and, for some odd reason that I don’t quite understand, not everybody likes grits. I can’t quite wrap my brain around that one just yet. I have also tried different boxed cereals in the past, always hoping (there’s that hope thing again) that I will find that one that is just right. You know, the perfect cereal. It should be good for you but not taste like cardboard. It should be able to sit in the milk long enough to eat all of it without it getting soggy and gross. And, most importantly, it should not turn the milk a funny color. Also a cool prize would be a bonus. (I’m just saying.)                         
               
I tried a different cereal today. This one could have sat in the milk until lunch and would have still been crispy. That might be a bit over crunchy, even for me, if you know what I mean.

I know that I need to eat something every morning. After all, “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” (By the way, that’s not true. We’ll discuss that at a later time) So until someone comes up with breakfast sushi, it looks like I’m stuck with my yogurt and the occasional grit party.
         

Yee Haw!

SLEEP?   SLEEP.   SLEEP!

                    Hamlet:
                    "To sleep, perchance to dream-
                    ay, there's the rub."

                    Hamlet (III, i, 65-68

Do you remember when you were in a little younger, oh say a few years ago, when you would have the chance to sleep in late there and was nothing that could get you out of that wonderful bed until noon, if then? Well those days are gone my friend, they are gone.

As we all know, sleep is an essential part of our lives, right? Yes, of course, but how much, when, where or even how has always been up for debate. I once met a guy in Cincinnati that swore he only sleep once or twice a week for a few hours at a time. He said the feeling help inspire his painting. (uh-okay) That was over twenty years ago and I've never hear of him since so I guess it didn't work so well for him.

There are several studies that tell me the best position to sleep in or how to get the best sleep. I can buy books on techniques to clear my mind so that my rest can be even more productive. I can even find books that will interpret my dreams, (let's not go there......yet) but nothing is going to change the fact that my body is going to take over and wake me up when it darn well wants to.

It's really a race between the cats and my bladder as to who get me up first in my house. I would have to say that bladder is in the lead by at least a 4 to 1 margin. Sometimes she come to me in a dream. In a stage way I find this kind of endearing. I'm usually lost or trapped in some fantastical, weird piece of architecture and am trying to find a bathroom, of-course. When the kitten wants me up it starts with the stare, followed by the paw, then the meow. Not the Cat. When she want me up it's all 20lbs in my face, purring and licking. She's not known for her subtlety. Sometime the cats and bladder team up. In my opinion, this is so unfair, that's three against one.

I guess I should look at the bright side of this. I have two cats that need me. My sub-conscience seems to be processing information fairly well. Oh yea, and I've proven that I can read.

I know that getting older is a process of changes and that change is inevitable. I don't mind change. I just think it should not always have to be so darned inconvenient!

Parting words of advice ladies:  Practice your Kegel Exercises!!!

Exercise  

A.K.A "You don't sweat much for a fat girl"

So,  I’m going to be perfectly honest with you. I hate to exercise. I know, I know that comes as such a great shock to you, doesn’t it? But it’s true. I really do hate to exercise. I don’t exactly know why. Maybe it’s that sweaty thing?...but I don’t think so.  I don’t even think it’s the, “OMG! Look at that huge woman on that bike!” thing. Although that is a big one. I haven’t ridden a bike in years and I use to enjoy that a lot. No,  I honestly think the thing that detracts me the most are my feet. My feet always hurt. I need to find some way to fix the problems with me feet and legs.

Now if I had a pool, my feet wouldn’t be an issue. But I don’t so that blows that idea. Oh, I know there are pools all over the place I could use, yada, yada, woof, woof. True but then your getting into hassle and expense and bothers and time and effort and..... you get the picture.....anyway, no pool.

I come from a family of feet issues. Some were big and flat, some were wide and long. I was blessed with the high instep, big, and wide ones. Just what every girls wants. For the past few years I’ve been on some medication that causes swelling in my feet. It had become a major issue for me so we’ve been adjusting the medication to help the swelling. Hopefully that will help. Will it make me like exercise. Uh, Nooo!. I think not. Have I said how much I dislike exercise? I think it’s the word that puts a bad taste in my mouth.

I need something fun to do that will not cost money, make me drive all over the place, I don’t have to dress up for, and I can do when ever I want to. That give me lots of options around the house. Okay, I can walk the dog. That is when she will go further than the end of the yard, because she doesn’t want to walk on the hot street. Can’t blame her there. I have a treadmill in my room but the sound off it freaks the cats out and it does get boring very quickly. Nope. I’m going for the Wii.

At first it’s rather humiliating when my little mini me come strolling out and the machine tells me to get up on the board. So like a dummy I do and BAM! My little mini me is all round and fat. Well duh! What did It think was going to happen. Like I wouldn’t know me? What ever!

But I like the Wii programs. I like the marching band and the flying chicken but I can not get the hula-hoops down to save my life. I think I would like to get a hold of some of those dance programs they make for the Wii like the Zumba or Just Dance. I’m going to have to look into that.

Yikes! Part 2

“If you want different results, do something different.”  

      

So why do most of us ignore common sense and keep trying to make past failures into successes?
This was the question I ask yesterday that started me down this path and into this discussion and now I’ve dragged you along for the ride.

I believe an another reason why we humans do this is because we have the ability to Hope. Again, something I think only humans are capable of. ( I could be wrong, my dog has very hopeful eyes when it’s dinner time) We hope that this time we can change that one factor and get it right this time. Or that this time there is a, "I won’t get sidetracked by the Christmas party" or a  "I hope this new plan has more fast food options I like than the last one did" in place. Yes, both are personal experience.  But it comes down to the fact that hope is a powerful emotion. It can cause miracles, move mountains, heal sick, there is no end to the power of hope, IF, and I emphasize IF,  you believe in hope. Ahh...there’s the catch, you have to believe. And with that beliefs comes understanding. A deep understanding of where that hope really comes from and where you fit into the picture. That can leave you kind of stunned.
 
Which leads me to my last point, FEAR.  Change can be scary.  Most people don’t like to be scared. Yes, some of us enjoy a scary movie or a hunted house but I’m not talking about that. I’m taking about real life scary. "Phone calls in the middle of the night scared.", “They were right here a minute ago!”, scared. Those are the scared’s I’m talking about. None of us like that. We do the best we can to avoid things like that in our lives.  That fear has translated it’s way into our (MY) relationship with food and made me overly cautious, reluctant to change. I am not a newbie to the diet scene. I know how something like this works, therefor I know what kind of reaction I can expect, so I will not be surprised. No surprises- no fear. No fear- life is good.......... Wait-life's not good- I’m still fat-  I need to change –Argggg....................You can see my dilemma. I’m caught in this vicious circle.  Thus this brings me back to my original statement.
                                           
“If you want different results, do something different.”

It is only through change that we see growth. It is the belief in the ones power to change that allows them to not be afraid to change.  So do I regret eating all those calories on my anniversary. No, not really.  Next time, I will make different choices and I will not regret those either.

Yikes! Part 1

If you let regret get a hold it will never let go. I know that, you know that, everybody knows that, rights? So why do I feel so guilty about eating WAY TOO MANY calories yesterday? I was celebrating. I should not be beating myself up over this. I splurged, true, but it’s not like I do that every day. No, only on special occasions like anniversaries, birthdays, and weddings.... and pot lucks at church... and date nights..... and-oh, you get the idea.

Thus My Problem. I’ve am predictable, complacent, stubborn. It’s at times like this that I have to stop and step out of the “Old Me” that I’ve become so comfortable with and, with a lot of kicking and screaming, push the “New Me” out. Come on man, how many times does someone have to say, “If you want different results, do something different?” before it sinks in. It shouldn’t be that hard of a concept to grasp really. Should it? After all, it’s common sense. So why do most of us ignore common sense and keep trying to make past failures into successes?

Okay, this is where this gets tricky. One reason is because man is the only animal that believes in luck. Seriously, have you every seen a rabbit with a lucky human foot or a black cat worry about crossing it’s own path? I thought not. No, we humans, believe that we have this thing called luck and that this time, if we do everything just right, and pee before weight-ins all will be well with the world and the pound will melt away. Part of that is correct, life is a gamble. You gamble every time you get behind the wheel of your car. The point is the gamble or the luck the point is the bet. What are you willing to bet? A bet will cost you something and the more you bet the more you win........... or lose.  One way or the other you won’t win if you don’t bet. You won’t lose either, you’ll just sit there...right were you are.... unchanged.....stagnant.......

read more tomorrow............                   

It was Twenty Years Ago Today

If the first thing that popped into your head was- Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play, then you’re my kind of people, but that’s not the answer we’re looking for. No, in fact, it was twenty years ago today that my husband and I got married in a picturesque wedding chapel nestled deep in the Ozarks hill of Arkansas. A more lovely spot could not be found in all of God’s green earth. We chose Arkansas for a couple a reasons. First was proximity for my family. Most of my family was living in and around the Arkansas/Oklahoma area. My dad was in bad health at the time and our concern was to make things as easy as we could. The next reason was for the convenience.  Arkansas and Nevada are (were- after all that was 20 years ago) the only two states where there was no waiting period to get a marriage license. I know, weird, right? That’s what I thought twenty years ago.  Our first idea was to go to do the whole Vegas Elvis thing but we tabled that. (Maybe someday) I even thought of finding a Native American Tribe somewhere and getting all dressed up in the feathers and stuff.....Yeah, I know, but at the time it sounded fun. Rational minds prevailed....eventually.

We went to the courthouse the day before to get our license where the clerk had to ask us a few questions to fill out the paperwork. She ask for legal names and birth dates, all that normal stuff, then she ask about occupation. Without even skipping a beat, my husband pipes up, “Musician!” She look at me and I said, “Artist!” She stared for a moment, lowered her head and mumbled something about this never lasting and handed us our paperwork. We just laughed it off. I’m sure they thought we were just an other couple of crazy people that couldn’t find the way to Vegas. It was the 90's. My husbands hair was down to his elbows and mine was permed so big I’d have given Rosana Rosanadana a run for her money. What did we care? Neither one of us were kids, both over 30, old enough to know better. We packed up the truck, and head off to get hitched. Best decision I’ve ever made.  I can’t believe it’s been twenty years. That’s like a life time. It’s like a day.  So many memories, so many laughs, so many tears, heart aches, pains, joys ...I would not trade a one of them. To my husband - 143.

Feed Me!

When did that happen?
                                   
It wasn’t that long ago that I can remember when the morning routine was a simple one. I usually woke to the sounds of anxious meows wanting breakfast. That was followed by a quick shower, throwing on something clean and heading out the door. Most of the time I skipped breakfast, I could usually find “something” when I got to work.           
                                               
But now, all that’s changed and I can’t for the life of me figure out when this happened. I just woke up one day and realized everything is different now. Okay, not everything, I still wake up and go to work, but it’s a much slower and more painful process than it use to be. Now I wake to the sounds of air pumps and creaking bones.  The quick showers have slowed tremendously so as to insure complete coverage and stability. (We want no mishaps on those slippery surfaces.) My closet is full of stuff, but I can never find anything to wear. I’ve had this body my whole life. Why do I keep buying clothes that make it look dumpy? I eventually prevail. After all, the clothes don’t make the man. I never skip breakfast anymore. Most of the time it’s a very simple one: banana, yogurt, orange juice, yada, yada, yada.... because if I don’t eat something before I take my morning pills, I will never make it through the morning.  You see! There you go. Morning pills. That implies evening pills. Which in turn implies, “OMG Nelly! When did you get so old?”


Mom had this blue plastic tub that she kept all her pills in. It was a little bigger than a shoe box but it was stuffed with ever thing all her doctors had prescribed for her. Once a week she took out her little tub and fill up her Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Bedtime Pill Case. So many pills, so many times, how did she remember it all.  My mom was smart, a genius. She wrote it down and carried a copy with her so when she was at a doctors office she would know what she was taking.

Mom's gone now and I don't have a little blue box but I feel like I'm getting there. Do you ever just stop and wonder how you got where you are?  I just honestly don't remember getting older. I mean the 60's were good but the 70's sucked.

Summer Camp

Two words that bring back fond childhood memories of fun days of outdoor adventure and campfire stories.  Those were the days, weren’t they? We sleep in bunk beds, always fighting over who got the top bunk. Made arts and crafts projects out of pipe cleaners, puff balls and glitter. My favorite, of course,  was the talent show on the last night. 

My 16 year old left today for camp. It’s a church camp and this is only his second year.  I made him go last year because I felt he need some kind of camp experience. (Yes! Obviously, I have failed in that department as a mother. I have not prepared him for the great outdoors. But, no worries, I’ve left him my copy of The Zombie Survival Guide in my will.)  This year I left the decision totally up to him. He was quite positive that he was NOT going until last week, when for some reason unknown to me, he changed his mind. Well, I not wanting to stand in the way of progress, agreed and promptly started to help him prepare. He, naturally, shooed me from his room and closed his door. Oh, the love.

Camp is one of those part of a kids life that they will be able to look back at and smile. With memories of laughter, friends, games, stories and maybe even life lesson or two.

Granted, it was at least 35 years ago that I last went to camp, but I still have vivid memories of it.  There was this time when our youth pastor got lost while we were hiking and we thought we were going to have to carry him back. That was before cell phones, you know. Half of us ended up with poison ivy. There were a lot of funny things also.  I can still see the look on that stuck-up boys face when he found out I had been his secret pen-pal all week. Or the time we took all the counselors underwear and soaked it in cool-aid.

Hmmmmm..................

Maybe I’ve prepared him just fine.   I think he can hold his own.

I hate being sick. Well, that’s a stupid thing to say. Nobody in there right mind likes being sick. I mean I just hate always being sick. It just seams that I no sooner get over one thing and the next thing pops up. I sometimes wonder if our ancestors had to deal with all this or if this is all a product of our modern society. We have become so dependent on our artificial sweeteners and vitamin boosters that we don’t even know what we are eating any more!............Yikes! I did it again. Sorry..... I get a little Soylent Green every now and then. I’m okay now. It’s just that the summer is a heck of a time to be sick. The last thing I want to do on a summer day is drink chicken broth and eat crackers. I suppose, I should look at the silver lining. I’m sure I must have lost a pound or two. Not only did I not want anything to eat, I could not even stand the sight of food. The food on the TV was disgusting to look at and what ever my husband was cooking did not smell eatable. Woohoo, small favors.